Thursday, March 11, 2010

Adventures at the Doctor's office.

WARNING: This post is not for the faint of heart. If you can not handle hearing about poo, do not read on.

So the pediatrician I chose is in Logan, we now live in Brigham, but that's okay. You only go every couple of months, and that's only in the first year. So for our two month visit, it just so happened that I had a funeral in Logan to attend at 11:30 and Charlie's doctor visit was at 9:30, so that worked out pretty perfectly for me - one trip for two things. We get off to the appointment on time, I have my diaper bag ready and prepped w/ everything I could ever need, nice comfy skirt and shirt on, baby slept all the way there, the day starts off well.

So I strip Charlie down to his diaper for the nurse, she does her thing, then I take him out to hall where the scale is so we can weigh him. Just as I lay him down and she says to take his diaper I literally hear him at that instant go poo. Ha! Oh well, i'm sure it's not the first time the kid's diaper has been dirty when it gets taken off... they have wipes there and everything. So I take the diaper off, wipe up his bum and they get the weight. So she suggests I wrap him in the little blue paper pad to take him back to the exam room in and I do and I take him back, I sit him on the bench and I put a new diaper from my bag on.

I'm just sitting him up when I hear him poo again. Oh sheesh, but it's not that uncommon for Charlie. I consider just leaving this diaper on till after the doctor leaves, but he goes again, and I'm worried about leakage, plus it's stinking, and it's taking a minute, so I figure I'll just do it. It's a big mess actually and i'm juggling the kid on this bench and getting the wipes, but I finally get it done and I move the blue paper thing and the diaper aside and sit the kid up on my leg. I hear more tooting and pooing and I'm just thinking 'geez kid!', but oh well I've changed many a diaper, I have more diapers. Then I look down and see that the poo is in a big stream ALL DOWN MY SKIRT, and a little on my shirt! I don't even know how he did it! I've got a funeral in an hour and at this point and no way to get back to Brigham and then back to Logan! I'm wiping myself up with wet wipes the best I can, while trying to keep Charlie on the bench, laying down all dirty with poo up his leg, trying to get that from going everywhere, and considering what my options are for the rest of my day. After getting the majority of the poo off my now wet and stained skirt, I turn to the little dirty blue thing and Charlie and begin to change his diaper again, the diaper messy on the outside, and the blue thing is a bit dirty too, so this isn't a very clean process but better that I use this then get poo on this bench, right? When I open it I find that essentially the entire poo is outside the diaper, not IN the diaper. How that's possible I don't know. I'm wiping up Charlie's leg which is what is dirty, and move the diaper to the side, WHEN>>> DUN DUN DUN.... FREE PEE FOR ALL!

For some miraculous reason the pee stream doesn't head straight for me, it goes off to my right off the bench, and also it fortunately goes OVER the diaper bag containing all mine and Charlie's stuff, which is right below us, and starts landing in a long and steady stream on the doctor's carpet. I don't know what to do, I only have one clean diaper left, so i just put the old rolled up diaper in front of the kid and it splashes on the outside of it and down around Charlie and on the bench. HA! It's good I put the paper thing down - except that it's soaking and all over Charlie now! So now I'm mopping the kid up and cleaning him up. I've just got him into a new diaper, rolled everything up in the soggy blue thing and moved it when Dr. McKenna comes in. He looks at my face which was probably all flustered and then says, "What's up?"

"Nothing. Just a Poo-tastrophe."

9 comments:

cara lou said...

Haha! Oh wow. Baby poop makes thinks so much more exciting!

So what did you do about your clothes??

Amber said...

Lesson learned take 5 times more diapers than you think you will need. I learned that thew hard way too. Babies poop ALOT!

Mike and Jocelyn said...

LOL that just made my day! Lottie had a blowout at her 1 week visit. I have learned that not only do I need to pack Lottie extra clothes but I also have to pack extra MOMMY clothes!

Kaja said...

Something very similar to that happened to me at Greg's last check up. Luckily the doctor was cool with it and checked him out while I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned...Ugh!

Natalie said...

Okay this is hilarious! I loved this story and was laughing out loud. Doctor visits are always such a delight with children, aren't they?

I'm also wondering what you did about your clothes...Sounds like the perfect excuse to buy a great new outfit!

Dallon said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Poop and pee is funny!

Amy F. said...

That is hilarious!! I bet you were dying (trying not to laugh and cry at the same time, right? jk).
I love it, "poo-tastrophe". Sammy totally peed all over the Dr table, like twice, around that age. Too funny!

Adventures in Heywood said...

Regarding the clothes, I called my friend Amie who was also attending the funeral and she came to the rescue... I wish I would've had time for the new outfit though - although I'm not sure I could have even born going to the store w/ the poo skirt!

And yeah Joce, I learned my lesson about mommy clothes... I'm learning them all one by one I guess. I learned about extra, extra baby clothes from my little guy, now the mommy outfit from the last 'pootastrophe'...

And Kaja, yeah the Dr. thought it was funny and I was just like, 'sorry'... and he said, 'hey, that's what happens, why do you think we have to close the place down every now and again and have the whole place scrubbed!'

Swainston Family said...

Ha, ha. I remember once, I had Brenton on my lap while I was having a temple recommend interview with the Stake President. He pooped out of his diaper and all over my skirt...right in front of the Stake President. (It was a loud one, also.) Good thing he laughed about it....and I kept my language in tact...