WARNING: This post is not for the faint of heart. If you can not handle hearing about poo, do not read on.
So the pediatrician I chose is in Logan, we now live in Brigham, but that's okay. You only go every couple of months, and that's only in the first year. So for our two month visit, it just so happened that I had a funeral in Logan to attend at 11:30 and Charlie's doctor visit was at 9:30, so that worked out pretty perfectly for me - one trip for two things. We get off to the appointment on time, I have my diaper bag ready and prepped w/ everything I could ever need, nice comfy skirt and shirt on, baby slept all the way there, the day starts off well.
So I strip Charlie down to his diaper for the nurse, she does her thing, then I take him out to hall where the scale is so we can weigh him. Just as I lay him down and she says to take his diaper I literally hear him at that instant go poo. Ha! Oh well, i'm sure it's not the first time the kid's diaper has been dirty when it gets taken off... they have wipes there and everything. So I take the diaper off, wipe up his bum and they get the weight. So she suggests I wrap him in the little blue paper pad to take him back to the exam room in and I do and I take him back, I sit him on the bench and I put a new diaper from my bag on.
I'm just sitting him up when I hear him poo again. Oh sheesh, but it's not that uncommon for Charlie. I consider just leaving this diaper on till after the doctor leaves, but he goes again, and I'm worried about leakage, plus it's stinking, and it's taking a minute, so I figure I'll just do it. It's a big mess actually and i'm juggling the kid on this bench and getting the wipes, but I finally get it done and I move the blue paper thing and the diaper aside and sit the kid up on my leg. I hear more tooting and pooing and I'm just thinking 'geez kid!', but oh well I've changed many a diaper, I have more diapers. Then I look down and see that the poo is in a big stream ALL DOWN MY SKIRT, and a little on my shirt! I don't even know how he did it! I've got a funeral in an hour and at this point and no way to get back to Brigham and then back to Logan! I'm wiping myself up with wet wipes the best I can, while trying to keep Charlie on the bench, laying down all dirty with poo up his leg, trying to get that from going everywhere, and considering what my options are for the rest of my day. After getting the majority of the poo off my now wet and stained skirt, I turn to the little dirty blue thing and Charlie and begin to change his diaper again, the diaper messy on the outside, and the blue thing is a bit dirty too, so this isn't a very clean process but better that I use this then get poo on this bench, right? When I open it I find that essentially the entire poo is outside the diaper, not IN the diaper. How that's possible I don't know. I'm wiping up Charlie's leg which is what is dirty, and move the diaper to the side, WHEN>>> DUN DUN DUN.... FREE PEE FOR ALL!
For some miraculous reason the pee stream doesn't head straight for me, it goes off to my right off the bench, and also it fortunately goes OVER the diaper bag containing all mine and Charlie's stuff, which is right below us, and starts landing in a long and steady stream on the doctor's carpet. I don't know what to do, I only have one clean diaper left, so i just put the old rolled up diaper in front of the kid and it splashes on the outside of it and down around Charlie and on the bench. HA! It's good I put the paper thing down - except that it's soaking and all over Charlie now! So now I'm mopping the kid up and cleaning him up. I've just got him into a new diaper, rolled everything up in the soggy blue thing and moved it when Dr. McKenna comes in. He looks at my face which was probably all flustered and then says, "What's up?"
"Nothing. Just a Poo-tastrophe."