Sad.

While discussing health care, which I just admittedly should not do, because people get too combative, and then it scares me, haha, I used an example from my life of having middle of the road insurance that would not pay for a suggested amnio for my last pregnancy. The bill I paid in cash was astronomical at best. I was told point blank after that, 'that was because amnios are completely unnecessary'. It made me cry. Honestly cry.

Sometimes people act like the worst thing an amnio can tell you is that your child has Down's Syndrome. That people who get an amnio just want to know the sex of their baby for sure, or get 'screened positive' for Downs and freak out and go endangering the life of a child (the risk is actually much smaller than most people realize) who will just have 'some special needs' and nothing immediately life threatening for their own selfish reasons. Or that only bad people who are considering termination get them because they don't want babies who are in any way unhealthy.

When people say that, I think what my three hours with Leland would have been like had we not known - had he been rushed off to the NICU to try to figure out what was wrong with him after his birth. What if I had not held him in my arms, or he was in the arms of my family for every minute of his too short life? What if he was being tested and prodded away from me and I didn't get to hear every one of his cute birdlike cries? What if he died while I wasn't there? The very thought hurts my heart so much that the statement made me fully cry just thinking about that agony.

I'm not trying to start anything, I just had to say this and think about my son a minute, and say maybe to someone else who finds out the hard way that Down's isn't the worst genetic condition out there, that you're not a bad person for wanting to KNOW what to do for your child - don't let people condemn your decision as unessesary or selfish. Hopefully they will get the blissful unaware of a life never having to understand.