Happy Birthday Leland!

Dear Leland,

Happy Birthday! It was exactly one year ago today at 12:15 a.m. that you were born and changed mom and dad's life forever. Of course we rather wish you were here with us celebrating your birthday, but we're glad you're not suffering with T18 anymore. It's nice to have an angel that you know is all yours and no one else's. The other day we watched the video of when we were in the hospital together. When we watched the part where they weighed you, Mommy felt bad that we made you strip down to be weighed since you had no fat layer whatsoever, she felt like she was a mean mommy making you so cold when she herself hates being cold! But you were super cute, screaming at the top of your lungs, but sounding like a cute little birdie cry anyway. We are so happy you made it through your delivery, wow, what an amazing experience that too many T-18 mothers never have. Do you know how many T-18 pregnancies end before the mommies and daddies get to meet their babies? 50%! How strong you are, and how grateful we are to you for being such a little fighter. I'm sure it would have been easier on you to give up from all you were dealing with, but we appreciate it so much. Meeting you in this life was something we loved, and we'll never forget.

It's hard when we think we might have been throwing you your first birthday party, but instead we're only deciding how to remember you.
Sometimes it's hard when people take their own healthy children for granted, and for that matter, to see people assume pregnancy is something that always goes off as planned - but it's even harder when we hear about other mommies who found out the hard way that it's not always the case. Mommy's heart breaks for them too, because we know how it feels.
It's hard when people obviously try hard not to bring up your name, and assume we don't want to discuss you. I think sometimes people think they need to walk on egg shells around us, like maybe we'll explode into some emotional scene they can't handle if they touch on anything too sensitive.
Sometimes it's hard when people assume the answer to our problems is having a new baby, that we'll be okay once we move on. But Leland, mommy and daddy know that you can't be replaced.
It's also hard when people callously assume we should be over it by now. We will never be over you baby - You are not something we plan to recover from.

I think mommy and daddy are doing really well, and who knows? Maybe we have you to thank for that, maybe you're up there watching our backs! We are happy and healthy and when we think of you, we smile and sometimes laugh. (Once you had hiccups before you were born and daddy accused mommy of 'making' her stomach twitch, because it woke him up and he was being irrational. We laughed about it a lot later.)

So again son, have a happy birthday. Eat more than you should, be self indulgent in your attitude, behavior and with your time. Tell everyone you meet that it's your birthday as if it's an explanation and not a statement, and simply enjoy it to the fullest extent. You only turn 1 once, that's what everyone will tell you - I don't fully grasp that, but I hold that even if it's not true, heck, it's an excuse for going to excesses... and I like that. And, I heard this on a TV show when I was little, and I hope it's not too late for you to use this advice, but it was on "Random Thoughts" - If you're given a choice between regular heaven and pie heave, choose pie heaven... hey, it might be a trick, but if it's not, yay pie!

WE LOVE YOU!!!
MOMMY & DADDY